From the Eyes of the Werewolf
by Kyshal
Summary: He found himself doing that a lot lately. Watching. He had long since told himself how useless it was. How futile. That Watching would only make things worse. But for the life of him he just couldn’t look away. Slash RL/SB, JP/LE.
1. Watching

1

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen a moth this color before."

Remus squinted down at the small insect struggling weakly in James' hand.

"I don't think that's a moth James."

"Course it is. What else would it be?" Sirius put his nose in James' hand and sniffed.

"Oi! That's my hand you're sniffing!"

"What does it smell like?" Peter asked, slightly awed by Sirius' bravery.

"Smells like moth."

"I always thought you were supposed to control the inner animal, not the other way around."

"Don't pout James. It isn't manly."

"Guys, I really don't think that's a moth!"

The bug chose that moment to bite James on the palm with surprisingly sharp teeth. He swore and shook it off. Sirius couldn't seem to stop laughing.

"It's not funny! What if I get blood poisoning!"

"What, from a moth?"

"It wasn't a moth you ponce! You ever seen a moth with teeth like that?"

"Sure. Just now."

"You git!"

And so began the Third Great Battle between James and Sirius. That morning. Remus sighed and opened the window so the might-be-a-moth could get out.

"I can see the headlines now. The great James Potter, soon to be Quidditch star, killed by rabid moth!"

"If I get a rash I'll kill you Black. The devil moth came from your flat!"

"It's your flat too you great nancy!"

Peter stood anxiously on the sidelines, occasionally cheering James on. Remus took the oppertunity to finish exploring Sirius and James' new flat. Moths aside, it was quite a nice place. Two bedrooms, large living room, kitchen.

_Note to self, don't let anyone over to my flat. Ever_

It had been one month since they had graduated from Hogworts and this was the first time all four of them had been together. Peter had been busy working at his dads broomstick repair shop. He wasn't fixing things of course, Mr. Pettigrew knew better than that. James had been accepted to play Quidditch for England's Reserve and had been practicing constantly. Sirius was starting out at the Auror Academy. And Remus... Remus was just trying to make rent.

"Stop biting! That's foul play!"

"Have at thee villain!"

"I think Sirius has been spending too much time at the muggle cinema," said Peter sagely. Remus could do nothing but agree.

Finally, when they came dangerously close to breaking a lamp, Remus decided enough was enough. He waded in and forcibly separated James and Sirius, holding each one slightly off the ground.

"I think you two have had enough. Don't you?" They nodded meekly and Remus let them down. James rubbed at his collar.

"Bloody hell Remus. I keep forgetting how strong you are!"

"I am a werewolf."

"I know. It's just that you're so..."

"Weedy?"

"Yes, that's it exactly. Ta Sirius."

"Thanks very much guys."

"No, it's true. You are a bit thinner than usual." Sirius frowned and put his hand on Remus' shoulder. "You getting enough to eat?"

"Yes." Remus didn't look at his eyes.

"Hmm..." Sirius shook his head. "Well, how about lunch then chaps? We can have peanut butter or ham."

"Don't have the ham" James whispered. " Sirius bought it on his own, and I don't think he went to a reputable shop."

" I heard that Potter! I'll have you know that my ham is every bit as good as yours!"

"You'd know. Ponce."

"Alright, that's it!"

And so began the Fourth Great Battle of James Potter and Sirius Black. Remus and Peter went into the kitchen to make peanut butter sandwiches.

"This is ace."

Sirius shifted slightly, putting an arm behind his head. The wind was blowing his hair slightly and Remus couldn't help but watch. He found himself doing that a lot lately. Watching. He had long since told himself how useless it was. How futile. That Watching would only make things worse. But for the life of him he just couldn't look away. The stars were shining and the moon was gone, hidden by a cloud, and Sirius was stretched out on his back, everything in the world reflected in his eyes. How could Remus not Watch?

"Isn't this ace Moony?"

Remus nodded, turning his eyes back to the sky. He didn't know exactly when he first realized that he might be in love with Sirius Black. If he wanted too he could probably trace his feelings all the way back to first year when Sirius had told off a bunch of fifth years for picking on him on the train. It seemed that every good memory he had somehow involved Sirius. Most of the bad ones too.

"I wish things could always stay like this. Don't you?"

Remus looked back, his eyes locking with Sirius'

"Yeah."

Somewhere to his right James snored. Sirius turned back to the stars.

"It won't, will it."

"What?"

"Everything's changing."

"That's what happens when you grow up Padfoot."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it. Do you know how long it's been since we were all together?"

"'Bout a month."

"Too bloody long."

"I'm sorry Sirius."

"S'not your fault." Sirius glanced over a Peter, fast asleep on James' legs. " Things used to be so simple. It was just us. The Marauders. Now James is always off with Lily, Peter's always off at that horrible shop, and you..." He turned back to Remus. "What are you doing Remus? You never seem to want to say."

Remus turned away, glad the darkness hid his face.

"Just working Padfoot. Getting by."

"Remus... Never mind." Sirius sighed. "Did you get the owl from Dumbledore?"

"Yeah."

"You gonna go?"

"Of course."

"I knew you would."

Remus stiffened as Sirius put his hand on his shoulder.

"How cool will it be, fighting the good fight and all."

"It's not going to be like a story Padfoot. People are dying."

"I know." Sirius sighed. "I just..."

"I understand. I'd rather think about it that way too."

There was a sort of silence, broken only James' snoring.

"That's why I love you Remus," Sirius whispered. "I never have to explain myself. You always just understand."

Remus turned to look at him, but Sirius was already asleep, his head pillowed on a roof shingle.

It was Lily's fault really. Though if you asked Sirius, everything was Lily's fault. But this time, it really was. If it hadn't been for her Remus would still be living in blessed ignorance. But women, especially Lily, seem to have this annoying sixth sense about things like this.

It was fifth year when IT happened. The Incident. The one they don't talk about, don't even mention. It had been two weeks since Remus hadn't even spoken to Sirius, let alone looked at him. The anger, the hurt, it was bottled up inside him like a bomb and Remus refused to let it go. He liked having it there. It made him feel powerful. And he knew Sirius was hurting. Just the look on his face was enough to tell. Sirius was miserable, and Remus was happy.

Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

Then one day at lunch Sirius walked in and sat alone at the corner of the Gryffindor table. The light form one of the windows hit him squarely in the face and... _God. _He seemed to have lost weight, the sparkle in his eyes was gone. His hair, which he always kept meticulous, hung lank about his shoulders. He picked listlessly at his food. Remus couldn't stand it. He suddenly realized he wasn't angry at Sirius, that he had forgiven him a long time ago, and was only keeping this up out of stubborn pride. He picked up his tray and sat next to his friend.

"You gonna eat that mate?"

When Sirius looked at him, his eyes so full of delight and hope, Remus thought his heart might burst. Something _twisted _inside of him, catching in his throat and making it impossible to breathe. When Sirius hugged him, whispering "I'm sorry" over and over again Remus thought he might explode.

The next few days were bliss. The Marauders were back together, and he and Sirius were closer than ever. Though every once in a while Remus would catch himself staring at Sirius, feelings he couldn't explain filling his entire body.

Lily came to talk to him soon after. They had been friends since first year, and she never could understand what he saw in the Marauders. She had even figured out his secret before the others, though she hadn't told him till fourth year. He had once thought he was in love with her, but knew better. They were friends, and he could never do that to James.

Remus was sitting alone by the lake (The others had detention for something or other) and she sat beside him with an air of purpose.

"It's because you love him, isn't it."

"What!"

"You forgave him. After everything he did to you. It's because you love him."

"What! No! I..."

"I've seen you looking at him Remus. I'm not stupid."

"I..." Remus buried his face in his hands.

"Oh Remus, I'm so sorry."

She hugged him, but he pulled away.

"It's not like that with us Lily. We're just friends."

"You don't have to defend yourself to me Remus. I understand."

She kissed his cheek and walked away. And that was the end. After that Remus couldn't even look at Sirius without that horrible crushing sensation. Because she was right. He was in love with Sirius. And Sirius would never love him back.

"Eggs James?"

"A big heap please." James groaned and rubbed his shoulders. "I cannot believe we slept on the roof! How daft can we be!"

"Pretty daft. Here you go." Sirius spooned him up a heaping portion. He alone of the Marauders knew how to make more than sandwiches and toast. They had teased him about it at first, but no one complained when they were eating his food.

"Moony? Wormtail? Eggs?"

"None for me." Wormtail sighed, "I have to run. I'll be late for work." He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled weakly. "See you all later."

"Ta Wormtail! Don't work too hard!" James called as Peter apparated away.

"What about you Moony? Have to run off to work? Or can you stay for some of my fabulous eggs?"

"Uh..." Remus frowned, then held out his plate. He wasn't going to turn down a free meal. "I, uh, don't have to be at work till this afternoon." Truth to tell he'd been fired from his last job two days ago. He hadn't even lasted a week before they found out what he was and let him go.

"Here you are then." Sirius settled at the table with his own food and a plate for Remus. There was a comfortable silence as the three friends just enjoyed one anothers company. James suddenly glanced at the clock.

"Merlin! I better shower or I'll be late!" He tore out of the room, still trying to wolf down that last piece of toast. Sirius chuckled and choked, Remus pounded him on the back.

"So when do we get to come see your place Rem?"

"Oh, I don't know," Remus looked away. "It's not anywhere near as nice as yours. Small too."

"I don't care. I want to see where you live... Remus." Sirius took his chin. "Look at me." Remus began to tremble as Sirius turned his face. "Rem, if you were in trouble, you'd tell me. Right?"

"O, of course."

"You wouldn't be all stubborn and try to do it all on your own?"

"I..."

Sirius sighed and let him go. Remus began to breathe again.

"I worry about you Moony."

"I'll be fine."

"Moony. I..."

"Well lads, I'm off." James burst into the room and waved. "Don't wait up for me Padfoot, Lily's coming to the practice to cheer me on!"

"Bully for Lily." Sirius grumbled.

"Bye Moony! See you at the Order meeting, yeah?" He gave Remus a one armed hug. "Oh, and the shack? On the fourth?"

"Yeah."

"Great. See you there!"

James swept out of the room. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, Remus jumped up.

"Well, I better run! Work and all. Don't get yourself blown up Padfoot."

"I haven't yet have I!" As Remus stood to leave Sirius pulled him into a hug. Remus stiffened, then felt himself melting. Sirius smelled like old leather, and puppy dander, and something uniquely him. A smell Remus searched for in everything but never found.

"Take care mate. See you on the fourth, yeah?"

"Yeah."

Remus risked one more look at Sirius before he apparated away...


	2. Moving

**1A/N I want to thank everyone who's read my little story so far, especially Krazy-Katy for reviewing! Now on to part two!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. If they were mine books 5 and 7 would have gone very differently. JK owns all.**

For the headquarters of a secret organization it was a bit... homey. They seemed to be in a little old ladies drawing room. Every surface was covered in doilies and trinkets. There was a tea tray on the small table covered with a pink, fluffy cozy. The Order members sat on squashy armchairs and sofas covered in throws and beaded backs.

"It's... Wow, it's really..." Sirius gestured around, clearly feeling as disoriented as Remus was.

"Ah, boys! Welcome! Please have a seat." Dumbledore gestured to an empty love seat, and the four Marauders squeezed into it. Lily waved to them from a chair so padded it appeared to be eating her.

"Now that we're all here, we can begin." Dumbledore took a sip of his tea and settled comfortably in his chair. "We will now have a report from Elphias Dodge on his recent mission."

Elphias, a small, mousy wizard, stood up and began what turned into a deathly dull account of what he'd found, or more accurately, what he hadn't found, on a mission in Cornwall. Remus found his gaze drawn slowly, but inevitably, back to Sirius. He was clearly bored, picking at his finger nails and trying not to look like he wasn't paying attention. He turned to James and whispered something, causing James to smother a laugh. Remus ached to feel Sirius' lips that close to him...

"Thank you Elphias. Now, does anyone else have anything to report?"

"I do." Alastor Moody stood up, clearing his throat and glaring at everyone with his magical eye. "There are some of you here" He looked pointedly at James and Sirius, "Who think this is all a game. Fight the bad guys, win the glory. WRONG!" Remus jumped as Moodys voice filled the entire room. "This is WAR! And in a war you must have CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" He glared at all four Marauders this time, making Remus' skin crawl. "Therefore, I think it is important for ALL of us to get a sense of what this war is like." He turned to Dumbledore. "I respectfully request to assign our newest members to patrol duty, starting this weekend."

Dumbledore nodded and gestured for him to proceed.

"POTTER! BLACK!" James jumped out of his skin, and while Sirius tried to be nonchalant Remus had felt him twitch. "You will be on duty Friday night. Report here at 7pm for your assignment."

Remus felt his heart plummet into his stomach and Sirius looked stricken.

"Friday sir?"

"Yes Black, Friday. Got a more pressing engagement?"

Sirius glanced at Remus, then hung his head.

"No sir."

"Very well. Black and Potter Friday the 4th. Evans and Pettigrew on the 5th. Lupin and Jones on the 6th. Got that?"

They all nodded and Dumbledore called the meeting adjourned. Sirius grabbed Remus and pulled him outside, followed closely by James and Peter.

"Oh Moony, I'm sorry."

"S'not you're fault."

"I still..."

"Look Sirius, don't worry. I've been alone before, and I'm sure I will be again. No sweat, yeah?"

"I... I could," Peter squeaked, his voice breaking dangerously.

"No Pete. You would be no good on your own. I appreciate it though."

"I'll kill Mad Eye." James cursed.

"How was he to know? Don't worry guys, I'll be fine."

"We'll be there first thing int the morning mate." Sirius gripped his shoulder and Remus felt his heart skip a beat.

"I know you will." Remus tried to grin, but only managed a weak smile. "Don't worry." He pulled reluctantly away from Sirius' reassuring grip. "Look, I have to go. I'll see you." Remus apparated away before he had to see the look on Sirius' face again.

He appeared at his run down tenement building and slowly trudged up the rickety stairs to his so-called flat. He stopped dead outside his doorway. All his things, meager though they were, were piled outside his door. The locks had been changed.

"Bloody..." Remus closed his eyes leaned his head against the wall. Scrawled across his door in bright red letters was the word WEREWOLF. He slowly, methodically went about shrinking all this things and fitting them inside his worn rucksack. He then walked slowly down the stairs and sat on the filthy stoop.

Where was he going to go? He considered flooing James, but pushed the thought out of his mind. He knew his friends would take him in, but he couldn't bear to have them see him like this. He didn't want Sirius' anger or James' pity. He stood up and began to walk, not really knowing where he was going. No home, no job, no hope of getting either one in the foreseeable future... There was only one choice really. He squared his shoulders and apparated. He had hated that flat anyway.

The shrieking shack was, as always, a horrible mess. Every surface was covered in blood, scratches, and urine. He had never once been here not on the full moon. But where else could he go? He knew that here, at least, no one would kick him out. The shack didn't care what he was.

He walked up to the spare bedroom, one of the few rooms in the house the wolf had never really been. It was relatively untouched, desiccated more by age and neglect than by an angry wolf. There was a saggy old bed, a broken table, and a small dresser. He quickly unpacked his few things and went about exploring the rest of the place. Funny, in all the years he'd spent here he had never actually explored it. He stayed away from the tiny bedroom where he changed and headed downstairs. The bathroom was a joke, and Remus was sure this place hadn't had running water in years. But it did have a mirror, and Remus was used to making do with _Scougify _and _Aquamentia. _The kitchen wasn't as bad as it could have been. A good cooling charm and the fridge would be useable. There were even a few cracked dishes on the shelves. The livingroom had a moth eaten couch and rickety bookshelf.

_About the same as my last flat. Bigger, actually._

Well, it would do. Remus took one last look around and apparated away. He knew what he needed to do now.

Muggle London was as bustling as usual. Remus made his way down the street, keeping his eyes open for Help Wanted signs. He had always told himself he wouldn't do this. Would at least try to live as a Wizard. But enough was enough. Muggles wouldn't fire him for being a Werewolf. Though they might when he started missing two days of work a month... He pushed that thought out of his mind and continued his search. There, at the end of the street, was a tiny little brick shop with the coveted sign. Remus paused outside, noted that it was a curio shop, and went in.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

The man behind the counter was ancient. He was hunched over, his eyes barely able to reach the top.

"I'm here to inquire about the job."

"Oh. Good." He came around the counter, proving to be actually shorter than Remus had thought, and shook his hand. His grip was weak and his skin felt like tracing paper.

"I need someone to watch over the shop. Do the bookkeeping, and catalogue the curiosities. I'm getting on in years and can't do it myself." He looked at Remus over his spectacles. "I can't pay you much. Just a cut of whatever we happen to make that day." He blinked owlishly. "Still interested?"

"Yes sir."

"Good."

"But there is one thing."

"What is it lad?"

Remus twisted his shirt between his hands. This was it. This was where the old man told him to hit the road.

"I have a... sister. In the country. She's very ill, and I need to be able to go care for her a few days every month." He held his breath, waiting for the mans reaction.

"I had a sister once myself son. When can you start?"

"This afternoon?"

The old man broke into a grin.

"Good lad. By the way, I'm Englebert. Englebert Darcy."

"Remus Lupin."

"It's nice to meet you, Remus Lupin."

Remus left the shop six hours later feeling strangely satisfied. He's only made a few quid, as there had only been once customer the whole day, but it was enough to pick up a meal on his way home. Besides, the work was interesting. There were all sorts of neat things tucked away in that shop, and Mr. Darcy told the most outrageous stories. And the best part was that he had a chance of holding on to this job! He stopped at a grocer and picked up a chicken leg on his way back to the shack, for the first time in a while feeling like things might just work out.


	3. Feeling

1A/N Thank you to all my lovely reviewers You make my heart sing :D

Disclaimer: Not mine. Alas.

The moon was red tonight. It hovered on the edge of the horizon, just beginning to peek its baleful head out. Remus could feel it in every pore of his body, in every bone. It called to him, bitter ache in his joints. The moon was coming. And tonight he was alone. It began as a prickling, small pains as the hairs on his arms began to grow. If he closed his eyes he could pretend this wasn't happening. He was at Hogwarts, and the moon wasn't red. His muscles began to spasm violently and he arched his back, whining like an animal. Like the animal he was. And, OH MERLIN! His bones began to crack, his organs shifted. His body was awash in agony. He screamed. Again. Again. The moon tore his voice from him, and then his mind. Remus stared at the red moon, then he knew no more.

* * *

"Bloody hell."

'Padfoot, mate, that's the third time you've said that in five minutes."

"I know Prongs. It's just..." Sirius ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Somewhere out there Remus was alone, and he was stuck walking an empty street with a crazy Auror.

"No talking! I'M WATCHING YOU!"

Sirius sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time and tried not to think of Remus alone and in pain. The sun would be rising soon, and as soon as Moody let him he was out of here.

"Black! Have you heard a word I said!"

"Um... Sorry? What was that?"

Moody growled.

"Useless bloody children, that's what they give me. Well, get out of here then. Suns coming up."

Sirius didn't wait to be told twice before apparating away. He knew James would be right behind him.

* * *

It was weird being back in the shack. They had been here last month, true, but last month they had still been students. It wasn't right that Moony still had to come here.

Sirius paused at the foot of the stairs, suddenly reluctant to go up. It had been years since Moony had to transform alone.

"I know Padfoot. But we have to go up."

James gave his arm a squeeze and Sirius felt intense gratitude wash over him. Thank Merlin for James. He didn't know what he would ever do without him. He took a deep breath and climbed the stairs.

Somehow everything seemed cleaner. As if the dust of the years had melted away. But that had to be his imagination. He was just stalling, he didn't want see...

"Bloody Hell."

The room was destroyed. Every scrap of furniture was in pieces on the floor. The walls were covered in blood. And Remus lay on the floor, every inch of him stained red. Sirius didn't think he was breathing.

"Oh Merlin, oh Remus." Sirius didn't know when he got to the floor. All he knew was that he was cradling Remus in his arms, and _Oh Merlin _He felt so light. He wasn't breathing, he wasn't breathing! "James, help me!" He put his head to Remus' chest, desperate for a heart beat. Wait... There! Faint, but true.

"Come on Remus, come back to me." If only he knew healing spells! Three years they'd been doing this with Remus, and he didn't know any bloody healing spells! Suddenly he remembered something he had seen in a muggle film. He closed his mouth firmly over Remus' and breathed. In and out, in and out.

_Come on Remus, just breathe with me. _

He forced another breath in. _His lips are so soft _He pushed the thought away, not ready to deal with what it might mean. All that mattered was Remus...

With a gasp Remus opened his eyes and was promptly sick all over Sirius' robes.

"Remus..."

Sirius didn't realize he was crying till he heard James sob behind him.

"I thought we'd lost you mate" James brushed Remus' hair out of his face and Sirius had the strange urge to knock his hand away.

"P'foot."

"I'm here Moony."

"P'ft."

"Yeah. What it is?"

"D'you... kiss me?"

"CPR mate. You weren't breathing."

"Oh. You smell a'ful."

"Yeah well," Sirius had to take a breath to steady his voice "Some bloody werewolf was sick all over me."

"S'ry. I..." His eyes rolled back in his head and he went limp against Sirius' arm.

"Pomphrey?"

"Yeah."

Sirius lifted Remus gently and apparated to the outskirts of Hogwarts. All he could think of the whole long walk up to the gates was how close they had come to losing him...

"James..."

"I know mate. I was scared too."

* * *

"Shhh! You'll wake him up!"

"You're the one making all the noise!"

"Well, Peter's eating loudly!"

"Now whose being loud!"

"Shhh!! You'll wake him up!"

"You know, I've never quite seen that color before.."

"What would you call that? Puce?"

"Naw, too... yellow."

"Puce's yellow."

"Not this yellow."

"I'm not deaf you know. I can hear every word you say."

Remus Lupin slowly opened his eyes, grimacing slightly, and cocked an eyebrow at the two black haired boys standing behind his bed.

"Wotcher Moony! Welcome back!" Sirius grinned and slapped Remus' shoulder, right where a particularly bad bruise happened to be. Remus flinched and Sirius pulled back.

"I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

"It's fine Padfoot."

He tried to push himself into a sitting position, but his arms were burning. He flopped back down with a small cry. Sirius was there in an instant, helping him up with a strange tenderness Remus had never seen before.

"Carefull. Don't over do it... We nearly lost you this time." Sirius looked earnestly into his eyes and Remus had to look away.

"Yeah, and Sirius saved you!" Peter squeaked.

"Yup. You were sleeping beauty, to be awakened with true loves kiss!"

"It was not a kiss Potter!"

And then Sirius and James were wrestling on the hospital wing floor. Remus shook his head, trying to make sense of that last exchange. Kiss? He had a vague memory of Sirius bending over him, of soft lips on his... But no, that was a dream. It wasn't real.

"Uh... Guys?" His voice sounded harsh even to him. Raw and abraded, then wolf must have been angry last night.

Sirius popped up and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Hello Mooony! Miss me while I was gone?"

James rolled his eyes.

"Say what you like Black, it was a kiss."

"Why you...!"

"Guys!"

Sirius stopped mid punch and turned to look at him.

"What kiss?"

Was it his imagination, or was Sirius _blushing_

"It wasn't a kiss. It was CPR. You had, sorta, stopped breathing."

"Oh." Stopped breathing? What if Sirius and James hadn't come when they did? More than half of all werewolves died of self mutilation before they were thirty. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me Moony." The strange look was back, the one that made Remus want to hide. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." He turned to include James and Peter. "Any of you. You're my family, you know?"

"Oh you great softie." James pulled them into a hug, being gentle with Remus' injuries.

"So, when do I get out of here?"

"Pomphrey said you could go whenever you want, but one of us is to take you home and see you eat something."

"Oh." Remus felt his stomach plummet. He couldn't let them know he was living in the shack! "I...I'm still a little shaky. I think I'll stay here for a bit. Sleep."

Sirius frowned, but nodded.

"Okay then. Let me know when you want to leave and I'll help you get home."

"Sure." Remus smiled wanly, trying not to let them know just how much pain he was in.

"See you mate." James gave him a brotherly hug and headed for the door. Peter waved and followed him. Sirius paused by his side, looking like he wanted to say something. Suddenly he swooped down and caught Remus in a tight embrace that made him gasp in pain.

"Never, ever do that to me again." Sirius' voice was shaking. "I thought... I... Never. Never again." He pulled away abruptly and ran from the room. Remus lay back, trying to figure out what had just happened.


	4. Chapter 4

1A/N Thanks again to everyone who reviewed! I love you all!!

Disclaimer: Nope, still not mine. Alas.

"You wanted to see me Professor?"

Remus stood awkwardly outside of Dumbledores office. It was strange to be here without James and Sirius. James, trying to appear innocent and failing miserably. Sirius, looking nonchalant and handsome, smiling in a way that, he thought, could convince even Dumbledore to trust him. He was almost always right. Peter would have been hiding in the dorm, the unspoken agreement of the marauders to never get Peter in trouble saving him from yet another detention.

"Come in dear boy, come in." He gestured to a large, squashy chair in front of his desk, and held out a bowl. "Lemon drop?

Remus helped himself to a sweet and sat, waiting anxiously.

"I need to speak with you about something rather important.." Dumbledore steapeled his fingers and looked at Remus over his glasses. "As you may know, Voldemort has been gathering the support from various factions. I have just heard that he has been approaching the werewolves. I think you can guess what I'm going to ask you."

Remus took a deep breath.

"I think I can sir. You want me to meet with them first, to try to get them on our side."

"Precisely. I know it is a lot to ask, it will be a very dangerous undertaking. But I believe you are capable of it. And we must get their support Remus. Every person we can take from Voldemort is a victory for the Order." He looked Remus square in the eyes, making him want to squirm. "Will you do it?"

"I..." Remus closed his eyes. "I will sir."

"Good. Good lad." Remus felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up at the headmaster. "I know you are more than capable. I will be sending you information about your first mission by the end of the week."

Remus nodded, taking that for a dismissal, and stood to leave.

"Oh, and Remus!" Remus turned. "You must not tell anyone about these missions. Not even Sirius or James. If even a breath of this were to be leaked you would put not only yourself, but the entire Order, in jeopardy. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir."

"Good. Have a good afternoon Remus."

"You too."

Remus closed the door behind him and sagged against it. Liaison to the werewolves? Oh, this was going to be wonderful. He sighed and checked him watch. 6:00, just about time to be getting to work. Mr. Darcy would probably not even notice if he was late, but Remus always felt guilty about it. He walked to the edge of the ground and apparated to diagon alley. It was only a short walk from there to the shop.

He had been working for Mr. Darcy four about three weeks now, and he had to admit it was better work then he'd ever expected. The pay was practically non existent of course, but with the need to pay rent eliminated Remus often had some moeny for a meal at the end of the day. And it was interesting! The things hidden away in the shop constantly fascinated him. Things so steeped in mystery and age that Remus was sure some of them must be priceless artifacts. Why, just the other day Remus had found what he was sure was a plate from the Byzantine Empire. Mr Darcy was selling it for about 10 pounds. He had pointed out how potentially valuable it was, but the old man had simply said that anyone who came in was looking for a bargain. That was certainly true. On the rare occasion that someone actually did come into the store they would haggle prices fiercely, and Mr. Darcy almost always gave in.

His stomach growled audibly as he passed a kabob stand and he sighed, feeling suddenly light headed. He hadn't had anything for the last two days, and if today was another no customer day he would go without anything again.

"Ah, Remus. There you are."

Mr. Darcy was up to his ears in a pile of old carpets. Remus could barely see the top of his head.

"Sort through these will you? There's a good lad." He emerged and couched harshly. "The dust ain't good for these old lungs."

Remus nodded and waded into the carpet sea, sneezing violently as he encountered what seemed like years of dust deposits.

"Just got those in today. Rich bloke with a carpet fixation. New wife wouldn't stand for them cluttering up the rooms though."

So Remus spent the rest of the day sorting, cleaning, and cataloging old carpets. They didn't get a single customer. Five o'clock took a long time to finally come. When the clock finally did chime Remus left the shop looking a bit deranged, covered in dust with his hair sticking up all over the place. He was walking down the street when a large owl landed on his head and hooted.

"Look mummy! A trained owl!"

The mother shushed the little girl and walked quickly past Remus, no doubt thinking he was some sort of nutter. Remus accepted the letter the owl held out for him before flying away.

"REMUS!! We're having dinner at ours tonight AND YOU ARE COMING! No excuses! Even Peter will be there! See you at six!"

Remus chuckled and stuffed the letter in his pocket. It would be good to see his friends again. They'd managed to get together at least once a week since the last moon, usually for drinks or the cinema, but it always felt like too long between visits. And besides, Remus was starving One of Sirius' excellent meals would not be amiss. Remus stopped off at the shack to change into his only other set of clothes and scougify all the dirt out of his hair before aparating over to his friends flat.\

"MOONY!"

Remus was knocked backwards by a flying tackle from one Sirius Black, almost crashing into an end table.

"Really Sirius, you'd think it had been more than four days since you'd seen him!" Lily shook her head and pulled Remus into a hug of her own. "How are you love? You look a bit peaked."

Remus, fighting to control the insane blush that had spread across his face when Sirius jumped on him, mumbled that he was fine and grinned at her slightly. Lily, of course, was not fooled. She was never fooled.

"You're skin and bones! When was the last time you had a proper meal!" Remus opened his mouth to reply, but Lily was having none of it. "Men, never eat properly. Well, you're eating a big meal tonight!"

"What do you mean men! I'll have you know I cooked that 'big meal' that you are both about to enjoy!" Sirius slung an arm around Remus' shoulders and looked offended. "And James is serving it!"

"Can someone help me with this!" James' voice, followed by an audible crash from the kitchen. Lilly, looking slightly harassed, ran to help her boy friend.

"Lily's right though." Sirius voice was low, pitched only for Remus' ears. "You look like shite."

"Thanks Sirius."

"I'm serious Moony!"

"I know you are. I just said you name, didn't I?"

Sirius groaned at the age old pun and turned Remus towards him, eyes scanning his face.

"I've been worried about you."

"You don't have to be..."

"Yes, I do! You nearly died at the moon! And then you didn't let anyone take you home. You always look tired, you've been losing weight, don't think I haven't noticed!" Remus tried to hide his growing panic. 'You won't tell me where you work, or where you live! I'm starting to think..."

"What Sirius. What are you thinking."

"I... I mean, you wouldn't... Not..."

"Suppers on!"

Peter, covered head to toe in gravy, stuck his head out the kitchen. Remus sighed in relief.

"Peter, mate, what happened to you!"

"James dropped gravy on my head. S'nothing."

"Scougify!"

"Thanks Sirius."

Sirius headed into the kitchen, trying to seem nonchalant and, for once, failing.

"Well come on! I've made shepherds pie!"

Remus followed him, the smell of food nearly over powering him. He had to lean against counter to stop from becoming an unmanly heap on the floor. Thankfully no one noticed.

"Moony! You're here!" James gave him a hug. "Thank merlin you came! Sirius hasn't shut up about you for two seconds!"

"I have not!"

"You have! It's been Remus this and Remus that for weeks!"

"Not on Potter!"

"NO fighting in the kitchen!"

The possible red-headed wrath of Lily Evans kept another Great Battle from erupting and they all settled down to a decent looking meal. Remus helped himself to some of everything and contented himself with stuffing his face for the first time in what felt like ages while James told stories of his quidditch training.

"And then the bludger came, whoom! Straight at me! I nearly died!"

"He shrieked like a little girl and fell off his broom." Sirius snickered.

"I did not! It was a manly yell! And I didn't fall off, I jumped."

Peter snorted into his potatoes and even Lilly grinned.

"But that's nothing compared to what Sirius did when Mad Eye threw the niffler at him!"

"I was wearing an earing! That thing would have chewed my ear off!"

Remus wolfed down another bite of pie before his stomach suddenly rebelled. He lurched to his feet and ran out of the room, just making it to the bathroom before violently losing the only decent meal he'd had in weeks.

"Are you ill?"

Sirius, of course, was standing in the doorway. And for the first time Remus actually wished he'd go away.

"No, I'm fine. Really."

"Bollocks." Sirius knelt beside him and pushed Remus' sweaty hair out of his eyes. 'You call spewing up your dinner fine? Because I don't."

"I..."

'Remus." The simple use of his name stopped him. Sirius almost never used his name. "Tell me the truth. Before tonight, when was the last time you ate anything?"

Remus hesitated, then slumped against the toilet.

"'bout two days."

Sirius' eyes hardened.

"And before that? Three square meals a day?"

"Well... No. More like, one. If I was lucky."

Sirius closed his eyes, looking pained.

"Are you living on the streets?"

"No!" Remus shook his head quickly. "No, not the streets."

"So you have a flat? You are paying rent?"

"Well, I..."

"Please don't lie to me Remus. Please don't ever lie to me."

"I'm not, exactly, paying rent."

"Where are you living then?"

"The... The shack."

Remus turned away, unable to bear the look Sirius was giving him.

"The shack! The bloody shrieking shack!"

Sirius stood abruptly and punched the wall.

"Bloody hell Remus! You're living in the fucking shack and you didn't bother to tell me! You're STARVING and you don't say anything! I thought you promised to tell me if you were in trouble!"

"I'm not..."

"Like Hell you're not! Remus..." Suddenly Sirius' face was inches away from his own. "You're my best mate. I can't stand to watch you fall apart like his!"

"Well, what do you want me to do!" Remus was suddenly angry, and he really didn't know why. "I can't get a bloody job in the wizarding world! The only muggle who'd hire me pays me next to nothing! My parents are dead, I've got no savings, no inheritance! What else am I supposed to do!"

"You move in with me!"

"Don't be daft! I can't live off your charity my whole life! Besides, you're living with James!"

"James is moving in with Lily, they were going to tell you tonight. You can have his room."

"Sirius, I'm not..."

"Remus, stop it! Your fucking pride is going to kill you one day! This isn't charity! I care about you, though Merlin knows why sometimes! Now, you're moving in with me, and that's that! Do you understand!"

Remus opened his mouth, then could think of nothing to say. What could tell him? That the thought of living with him again was too much? That Remus couldn't bear to live with him and see him bring girls home at night? He deflated, resting his aching head against the wall.

"Okay Pads. I'll move in."

"Good." Sirius reached out his hand and helped Remus get shakily to his feet. "Now, let's see about getting some food in you. Slowly this time."

When they got back to the table everyone pretended nothing had happened, though they likely heard every word. Sirius filled his plate and made sure he took small bites. When it was time to leave Lily held him tighter than usual, saying nothing. James was going back to her place tonight, and would be by to collect his things tomorrow. And before he knew it was was tucked up in James' bed, wearing Sirius' old PJ bottoms. Sirius stood in the doorway, looking awkward.

"I'm glad you're staying Remus." He moved, as if to come in, the abruptly turned around and headed to his own room. Remus stared at his wall, knowing that somewhere on the other side Sirius was changing into his own pajamas... His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of an owl tapping on his window. He let it in and it dropped a letter on his bed before flying away. Remus opened it and shivered slightly. He'd be going on his first werewolf mission in only four days...


End file.
